That The Way It Is...

Ever had those days where you wake up to another crappy day of your life?  Lately, I’ve been waking up like that a lot.  The first thing that goes on in my mind would be, “*sighs*” there u go again. And to make matters worst, everything would go wrong.  Everything seems to be wrong and out of my control.  And everything really starts to piss me off. I will get headache and stomach ache. No matter how hard I try and everything I do would be wrong.  I’m always refused to talk to anyone nowadays, I’m so sick of it. I’m getting tired of my everyday life style.  It’s so depressing.  After all the headache and the bitching from everything, half of my day is spent doing my ordinary-not-so-interesting job.  Maybe that’s why I hate waking up nowadays.  This is all I wake up to.  I don’t have anything to look forward to anymore… *sighs*.  Sitting in my room, in front of my lappy makes me more depressed. Sometimes I wonder, why all this happened to me? Why I need to go through all this again? I can’t cry anymore, I can’t swear all the time I’m mad. I don’t want to say bad words in front of the kids. It’s bad! Thank God I have them around. They cheer me up at least. Their smile, their laugh makes me happy. If only I can be happy like them. Nothing to worry about, nothing to think about and all they do is playing and laughing. *Sigh* I hate being at home lately. I feel lost easier when I’m alone. And that thing came across my mind again and again. That’s not my fault… what can I do if everything happen not like what I want. At first, I hope everything gonna be fine. But after awhile, after every this and that, I’ve decided to make a move. But it’s still like that. And the silence killing me. Sometimes silence says a lot. I’m tired trying. I’m tired of everything. Finally.. I decided to make a decision for my own good. I can’t keep waiting anymore…